The calls stopped coming.
When the diagnosis was confirmed, when the job was officially terminated, when the marriage finally collapsed — support slowly faded. At first there were prayers and messages. Then came the questions.
“Is there something you did?”
“Maybe God is correcting you.”
“You should examine yourself.”
Within months, the person who once sat confidently in church began sitting alone — or stopped coming entirely.
For many Christians, suffering is not only painful because of the crisis itself, but because of how fellow believers respond.
But Scripture gives us a clearer, higher standard.
If God allows suffering to refine the soul, then how should we relate to those walking through it?
1. Stay Present — Don’t Disappear
One of the most common reactions to someone else’s suffering is withdrawal.
We feel awkward.We don’t know what to say. We fear emotional heaviness. So we slowly distance ourselves.
But Romans 12:15 commands:
“Mourn with those who mourn.”
Not analyze. Not investigate. Not withdraw.
Mourn.
When Job lost everything, his friends initially did something powerful — they sat with him in silence for seven days (Job 2:13). Their failure began when they tried to explain his suffering instead of sharing it.
Presence is ministry.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is sit beside someone and say, “I’m here.”
2. Resist the Urge to Blame
Some believers assume suffering must be punishment.
This instinct is ancient. In John 9, the disciples asked Jesus about a blind man:
“Who sinned, this man or his parents?”
Jesus answered, “Neither.”
Not all suffering is discipline. Some of it is refinement.
James 1:2–4 teaches that trials produce perseverance and maturity.
1 Peter 4:19 calls believers to entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing what is right.
God may be strengthening faith — not punishing failure.
When we accuse the hurting of hidden sin, we often:
-
Add shame to pain
-
Create isolation
-
Push them away from community
We must remember: we are not prosecutors. We are ambassadors of Christ.
3. Reflect God’s Character in Crisis
How does God relate to us when we suffer?
1 Peter 4:19 describes Him as a faithful Creator.
Psalm 34:18 says He is near to the brokenhearted.
God draws closer — not farther.
Jesus wept at Lazarus’ tomb.
He touched lepers.
He defended the vulnerable.
If we claim to represent Christ, our response must mirror His.
When someone is hurting:
-
Move toward them, not away.
-
Listen before speaking.
-
Pray with them, not at them.
Compassion communicates God’s heart better than correction ever will.
4. Offer Hope Without Minimizing Pain
It is possible to speak truth too quickly.
“God works all things for good.”
“This will make you stronger.”
“Just trust God.”
While biblically true, such statements can feel dismissive if offered without empathy.
2 Corinthians 1:3–4 calls God the “Father of compassion” who comforts us so we can comfort others.
Comfort comes first. Explanation comes later.
Hope should be offered gently, not as a way to silence emotion.
Suffering people do not need quick theology.
They need patient love.
5. Understand What God Is Doing
When someone suffers, God may be:
-
Deepening their faith
-
Strengthening endurance
-
Detaching them from idols
-
Preparing them for greater influence
-
Refining their character
But here is the critical difference:
God refines.
We support.
God transforms the soul.
We carry the burden.
Galatians 6:2 says:
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ.”
Burden-bearing shortens suffering. Judgment prolongs it.
6. What Men Often Want vs. What God Wants
Understanding this contrast helps us respond wisely.
What Men Often Want When They Suffer:
-
Immediate relief
-
Quick answers
-
Escape from discomfort
-
Someone to blame
-
Silence about weakness
What God Wants in Suffering:
-
Soul maturity
-
Perseverance
-
Trust
-
Righteous response
-
Eternal reward
Matthew 16:27, 2 Corinthians 5:10, and Revelation 22:12 remind us that eternal reward is tied to faithful endurance.
God thinks eternally.
Men think temporarily.
If we support someone only in ways that reduce pain, we may unintentionally help them avoid growth. But if we combine compassion with encouragement toward righteousness, we align with God’s purposes.
7. Why Christians Sometimes Fail the Hurting
Believers sometimes disappear because:
-
Suffering makes them uncomfortable.
-
They fear emotional complexity.
-
They assume hardship equals spiritual failure.
-
They don’t want to be associated with weakness.
But the Gospel is built on entering weakness.
If Christ avoided broken people, there would be no church.
Suffering is not a spiritual infection.
It is a human reality.
And every strong believer today may be the one needing support tomorrow.
8. What Hurting People Truly Need
When facing divorce, job loss, betrayal, illness, or public failure, people need:
-
Consistent presence
-
Prayer
-
Confidentiality
-
Encouragement
-
Gentle accountability
-
Practical help
They do not need:
-
Gossip
-
Speculation
-
Spiritual superiority
-
Distance
-
Suspicion
The church should be the safest place to fall apart.
Be the Reflection of a Faithful Creator
When someone is suffering, remember:
God is near.
God is faithful.
God is refining.
God is preparing eternal reward.
Our role is simple but powerful:
Stay.
Love.
Comfort.
Encourage righteousness.
Trust God with the outcome.
Because one day, when your own trial comes — and it will — you will hope someone treats you the same way.
Let us be the kind of believers who reflect the heart of God in hard times